The Burden of Trying to Be Balanced
Seriously ladies, balance is a self-defeating concept that continues to elude (even torture?) women around the globe. I even believe it chips away at our self-esteem and our sense of worthiness (more on that in a moment). Today I’m encouraging you to get off the balance bandwagon >>> ditch any associated guilt trips >>> and try something else instead.
Balance has become one of those concepts we use to measure how well we’re handling life. (We may even equate balance to giving 100% to all areas of our lives?) Regardless, we don’t live in a balanced society. The nature of our lifestyles, whether you’re a stay at home mama or a boss lady (or both), pretty much guarantees a lack of balance. We’re basically set up for failure. So why do we idealize balance, and what can we do instead?
For most women, organizing our lifestyles to achieve balance isn’t possible. But what is possible is feeling centered instead.
How often do you hear the phrase, I lost my balance? It’s pretty common. And there’s usually a sabotaging consequence, like, I ate my face off, jacked up my credit card, felt like the worst mom/friend/employee/boss/wife. Things were going great and then BOOM. You got knocked over by a giant wave of life and respond in a way that makes you feel even worse.
Because when we’re focused on balance, we’re responding to external circumstances, and often reach externally for coping mechanisms. When we’re centered, we’re responding from internal power and resources.
Being centered, IMO, means regardless of the circumstances of your life – which may or may not feel balanced – you continue to be connected with the woman inside of you. You don’t ignore her, attack her, or abandon her. Instead you lean into her a little closer and listen for her guidance.
Through her eyes you are able to mindfully observe what she’s experiencing while staying connected with her feelings, needs and desires. Furthermore, you’re able to respond in a way that is aligned. Need to cry, cry!
THAT alone is a major act of owning your worthiness!
Cultivate centeredness for those moments when you need it the most
The more we engage in behaviors and practices that keep us connected to our core, for those moments when we need them the most, the more we are exercising our worthiness muscles, and the easier it’ll be to call upon them in our moments of need.
I believe the act of staying centered is a massive gesture in owning your worth because it takes discipline and mindfulness. Both of which need to be developed and cultivated through conscious effort, like: meditating, journaling, coaching, learning from the experts, and more.
I get it…it often feels easier to block what’s coming up, reach for the remote, and eat some comfort food. Been there. Done that. Will do it again. While I do believe on occasion that can be very healing ☺, I know that the majority of the time there is a better way to honor our needs and feelings, which we can do by:
- Not judging your feelings as good or bad. Anger, for example, can be a really powerful emotion if we process it mindfully.
- Allowing your feelings instead of resisting them. Take the time to feel them. Stop denying them by justifying that others have it worse than you do.
- Taking the time to engage in activities that cultivate connection with your wild light (your spirit), no matter how busy or crazy life gets.
- Know your triggers and expect that they will arise. Don’t resist them.
The gifts of being centered
That sounds like a lot of effort, you might be thinking, right? Well, I’d say it’s nothing compared to the payoff you’ll receive.
Because when you are centered…
It’s easier to catch the unworthies when they pop up (i.e. not feeling good enough) and instead of letting them take you down, you notice ‘em and release ‘em
You can still hear the quiet whisper within that reminds you that you’re doing OK, even if your house is littered with heaps of laundry and you just lost your balance.
You remember that you’re good enough; regardless of the review your boss just gave you or your kid’s report card. (Spirit never lies!)
You’re less likely to need external “medications” for support.
Plus, it just feels GOOD taking care of yourself in this way. Less sabotage, less inner criticism, less wear and tear when something happens in life, and a little more joy ☺.
So…feel free to keep balance in your circuit training or yoga class. But stop using it as a concept to evaluate your performance in life (i.e. measure your worth). Stop trying to be balanced. Get centered instead. Not only will it build your self-esteem, it’ll feel good.
What’s one thing you’ll do today to connect with that amazing woman within and her wild light? Sometimes all it takes is a few minutes of breathing…
Molly Hamill, MA, is a certified life coach, Kundalini yogini and mediation enthusiast. She works with people around the country helping them lose their stress and feel their best. After recovering from her own health journey (Hashimoto's Hypothyroiditis, Adrenal Fatigue, and Leaky Gut), she is especially passionate about helping others establish mindsets and habits that support their health and happiness. For more information about Molly, get her weekly emails (sign up in green bar below), follow her on her Instagram and Facebook page, or chat with her in her private Facebook group, where she posts daily to help keep you connected with truth, dreams and desires. Prior to breaking free of the 9-5 life, she was an award-winning human resources executive for a national healthcare company.